Life is good!

Well it's been a few months now so I suppose I should update!! 

My children are either napping or being calm at the moment so it seems like a good time...

Being a mom of two has been wonderful, frightening, overwhelming and mostly AMAZING!

I love them more than any words could ever describe. Unless you are a mom (or dad) yourself and know what I mean... When you look into those beautiful eyes, and they look back radiating love and trust. You would have to be a robot to not be effected by that! I've never been as tired as I am in my life, but somehow it doesn't (usually) bother me. I get swept up in our day to day lives, and by the time I know it they are asleep and I'm laying there in a semi-state of shock. Every day is a battle and an adventure and I feel so lucky that I get to stay home with them. Watching them grow and learn. I try very hard to stay in the moment and cherish everything they do, even when I'm about to lose my mind. I've learned so much from them. Patience being the main thing, and even though I lose that patience sometimes, I'm pretty proud of myself over all. I realize how much like my father I am that way.... See, my dad stayed home with me and my sister. So I realize I'm more like him every day, sometimes that really bothers me, but mostly it makes me appreciate my dad so much. I'm fighting back tears as I write this. He did a great job with us and I never gave him the credit he deserved back then. I've had a hard time with my father in the past, but all I feel towards him now is admiration; taking care of two little girls, when that's not a stereotypical "man thing". That is pretty big. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own just how much I love and appreciate my dad!

Speaking of, I found this picture yesterday, and if this picture doesn't just capture my dad completely then I don't know if one will! This is how I will always remember him. For sure.

Anyway, I will get back to my babies now.

Allorah is 9 months old now, I swear I just blinked and now she is almost a whole year old?! What?!
I'm already planning her party too, she is going to be a fairy princess! I might make another post with all my ideas. Just to keep them in one place... and maybe give someone else ideas too!

She has just been so delightful. The happiest little baby you can imagine. She pretty much only fusses when she is hungry or tired! Piece of cake this one!! She wakes up happy, ready to greet me with her sweet little smile. She just melts my heart. I've dreamed of her for so long, and she has lived up to every dream I've had since I was a little girl myself. She is so precious to me. I couldn't ask for better kids! (Let me try and remember this when they are both tugging at my pants and whining ha ha.) Seriously though, I know how blessed I am. I thank the Gods every day. I sometimes worry about what heartbreak lies ahead for me because I've been so blessed, I don't think it can last! All I want to do is be the best mom for these babies.

I had a dream the other night that we were all at the zoo and Jordan was trying to climb into the lion exhibit but instead the lion jumped out. I pushed him backward towards Michael, told them to run as the lion was lunging at us. I jumped so the lion would get me not them. As it clamped onto my leg I immediately started to gouge her eyes out. I don't remember much after that, but I think this is very powerful and symbolic. I woke up thinking I would do that for real in a heart beat. I will gouge out anyone or anything's eyes who would dare try to hurt my children. It gave me strength and courage. Sometimes I really doubt myself and my ability to be a good mom. It's all I've ever wanted, and I have really high expectations, so I'm pretty hard on myself.

I don't know how we got here, but I'm going to lighten it up again ha ha! And I wonder why Jordan is so mercurial! Ha ha! Speaking of, my sweet, brave little boy! He is 2 and half now. So full of energy, he sure wears me out!! His grandma calls him the energizer bunny. It's accurate enough. He can and does run circles around me. He has to start preschool soon!! I don't want him to because that means I have to face the fact that he is growing up! I want him to stay this little forever (and then again I don't!) He is so wonderful. I delight in him every day. The sun shines out of his sweet little face. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is so good with his sister, for a 2 year old, he has done amazingly well. He loves her, you can tell. He gets jealous of course, but he's honestly been great about being a big brother! I'm so very proud of him!

And here is my big boy! Looking so grown up now. It really breaks my heart a little. So bittersweet watching them grow...

Well that is pretty much all I have for now. I will try and post more...but I can't promise anything! I'm trying to raise babies and enjoy our life together! This is just here for me to document some of it!!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read about mine!

Oh... Just some stuff!

Yeah right to trying to update weekly! If I had no time before I sure have none now! As I began typing this Jordan woke up from his nap. I'm sure Allorah will be up soon.

Surprise! I'm a big brother!

Yes, I got my girl! Allorah Jane was born April 24th at 5:35am!

I was in labor for just over 3 hours... it was crazy! I had planned to do a water birth and go natural, do breathing techniques, yada yada yada.

Well I went natural all right...

I was awakened at 2 am to my water breaking, on my due date, April 24th, both my children were very prompt. I stayed home for about an hour, then just felt the need to go to the hospital.
Luckily the hospital is only 10 minutes away.

We pulled up to the emergency entrance, the pain was really intense now. I could barely walk to the labor and delivery section, but I felt so weird riding in the wheel chair. We got signed in and set up in the delivery room, they stuck me with the big IV needle, and then I got to soak in the jacuzzi for a minute, literally I was already feeling the need to push but I couldn't believe that!

 I got out of the tub, and said I wanted an epidural (it hurt soo bad!) so the nurse went to call the anesthesiologist. They had to check me first though. I was 8cm!

Then suddenly a second later, I had to push! I really did not expect it to go THAT fast! I was actually trying not to push at first. I honestly did so horribly, I kept saying things like "Help me!" And "No! I can't do this!" I also said at one point "I really feel like I need to poop, what if I poop!" Ha ha! To be completely honest I didn't want to push so I wouldn't poo on the table. My midwife assured me it would be fine, even if I did, but I was still trying not to push. Then the midwife looked me in my eye and told me, "She has to come out NOW!" So I gave in, pushed a couple times and she was born! It just went so quickly... There wasn't even time to attempt to get a birthing pool set up. Let alone wrap my head around the entire thing.

But in the end it was all sooo worth it! We got to hold our baby girl!

I hadn't really decided if I was going to name her Allorah, I had another name I liked as well; but as soon as I held her in my arms I knew it was her.

We got to stay in the Children's part of the hospital which was beautiful! It had lovely light and it was huge!
The staff and nurses were great as well. They left us alone almost the whole time, ha ha!
It was pretty awesome.

Mt sister Katy and my niece Emily came to visit us!

I felt pretty good after having her, no problems, not much soreness. She blended so smoothly into the family it was like she had always been there. I know her being here has healed a part of me that was a little hurt from the first time around. She has been such a good baby so far! She has even slept through the night the last 3 nights! She is already almost 4 months old, time has just flown by!

Time flys!

It's already been 11 weeks since my little boy was born. Sometimes I still can't really believe I have a baby. I sit there feeding him at 5 in the morning, staring at his sweet little face wondering how I got so lucky. Then it hits me, I have a baby! I made this little person. It really is pretty amazing. I knew I would love him, but not the intensity I do in such a short amount of time. He is just the sweetest, mellowest little guy. He only cries when he's hungry or if you mess with him while he's eating, like if you take his bottle away to try and burp him or wipe his face, or for any reason, even if you arent paying good enough attention and aren't holding it the way he likes. He's very picky about his eating habits! I think I scarred him those first few weeks of his life trying to breastfeed him, he wanted nothing to do with the measly scraps I had to offer, oh he would scream his little head off! It was heartbreaking. I think this is why he's so intense about his food. I was starving the poor thing. Life has been pretty awesome as a new mommy, the lack of sleep is the worst part, and it's not even that bad. I'm so happy Jordan has blessed my life, there really is nothing like looking into your child's eyes. I love being a mom.