Life is good!

Well it's been a few months now so I suppose I should update!! 

My children are either napping or being calm at the moment so it seems like a good time...

Being a mom of two has been wonderful, frightening, overwhelming and mostly AMAZING!

I love them more than any words could ever describe. Unless you are a mom (or dad) yourself and know what I mean... When you look into those beautiful eyes, and they look back radiating love and trust. You would have to be a robot to not be effected by that! I've never been as tired as I am in my life, but somehow it doesn't (usually) bother me. I get swept up in our day to day lives, and by the time I know it they are asleep and I'm laying there in a semi-state of shock. Every day is a battle and an adventure and I feel so lucky that I get to stay home with them. Watching them grow and learn. I try very hard to stay in the moment and cherish everything they do, even when I'm about to lose my mind. I've learned so much from them. Patience being the main thing, and even though I lose that patience sometimes, I'm pretty proud of myself over all. I realize how much like my father I am that way.... See, my dad stayed home with me and my sister. So I realize I'm more like him every day, sometimes that really bothers me, but mostly it makes me appreciate my dad so much. I'm fighting back tears as I write this. He did a great job with us and I never gave him the credit he deserved back then. I've had a hard time with my father in the past, but all I feel towards him now is admiration; taking care of two little girls, when that's not a stereotypical "man thing". That is pretty big. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own just how much I love and appreciate my dad!

Speaking of, I found this picture yesterday, and if this picture doesn't just capture my dad completely then I don't know if one will! This is how I will always remember him. For sure.

Anyway, I will get back to my babies now.

Allorah is 9 months old now, I swear I just blinked and now she is almost a whole year old?! What?!
I'm already planning her party too, she is going to be a fairy princess! I might make another post with all my ideas. Just to keep them in one place... and maybe give someone else ideas too!

She has just been so delightful. The happiest little baby you can imagine. She pretty much only fusses when she is hungry or tired! Piece of cake this one!! She wakes up happy, ready to greet me with her sweet little smile. She just melts my heart. I've dreamed of her for so long, and she has lived up to every dream I've had since I was a little girl myself. She is so precious to me. I couldn't ask for better kids! (Let me try and remember this when they are both tugging at my pants and whining ha ha.) Seriously though, I know how blessed I am. I thank the Gods every day. I sometimes worry about what heartbreak lies ahead for me because I've been so blessed, I don't think it can last! All I want to do is be the best mom for these babies.

I had a dream the other night that we were all at the zoo and Jordan was trying to climb into the lion exhibit but instead the lion jumped out. I pushed him backward towards Michael, told them to run as the lion was lunging at us. I jumped so the lion would get me not them. As it clamped onto my leg I immediately started to gouge her eyes out. I don't remember much after that, but I think this is very powerful and symbolic. I woke up thinking I would do that for real in a heart beat. I will gouge out anyone or anything's eyes who would dare try to hurt my children. It gave me strength and courage. Sometimes I really doubt myself and my ability to be a good mom. It's all I've ever wanted, and I have really high expectations, so I'm pretty hard on myself.

I don't know how we got here, but I'm going to lighten it up again ha ha! And I wonder why Jordan is so mercurial! Ha ha! Speaking of, my sweet, brave little boy! He is 2 and half now. So full of energy, he sure wears me out!! His grandma calls him the energizer bunny. It's accurate enough. He can and does run circles around me. He has to start preschool soon!! I don't want him to because that means I have to face the fact that he is growing up! I want him to stay this little forever (and then again I don't!) He is so wonderful. I delight in him every day. The sun shines out of his sweet little face. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is so good with his sister, for a 2 year old, he has done amazingly well. He loves her, you can tell. He gets jealous of course, but he's honestly been great about being a big brother! I'm so very proud of him!

And here is my big boy! Looking so grown up now. It really breaks my heart a little. So bittersweet watching them grow...

Well that is pretty much all I have for now. I will try and post more...but I can't promise anything! I'm trying to raise babies and enjoy our life together! This is just here for me to document some of it!!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read about mine!

Jordan is 6 months old!

He's getting so big! I almost can't believe it's been 6 months since he was born already! Time sure does fly... They really do grow up way too fast! He's sitting up all by himself so well, he's trying so hard to crawl, he's a pro at rolling over! He's laughing and babbling, eating baby food, and just over all being a healthy happy baby. I love seeing his smile every morning. I know I'm doing something right when I see him smile like that. He really is a little angel. He's such a good little boy. So stinking active! He sure tires mommy out! Once he can crawl I'm really going to be in for it... haha!

Surprise!!

On July 29th 2011 at 9:32 pm, my son Jordan Orlando was born.
We had been expecting a girl, so it was quite a shock! 

My water broke at 1am, it felt like someone had headbutted me from the inside! I got up to use the bathroom and when I stood, I felt this gush. When I went to the bathroom I saw I had lost my mucous plug (gross I know). I wasn't sure my water had broken though, so I went back to bed, but couldn't sleep because I was feeling contractions now. So I went on the site baby-gaga.com and looked up people who had their water break and lost their mucous plug at the same time. I found a few posts about it and by then I had to pee again and was feeling contractions pretty close together, I was getting nervous so I texted my sister who was thankfully awake! When I stood up to go to the bathroom yet again there was another gush, so now I was pretty sure my water had really broken. I decided then to wake Michael up, I said I thought I was in labor, but I wasn't sure, so I called Labor and Delivery and told them that I thought my water had broken and they asked me some questions and told me to come in. My contractions were like 5 minutes apart, I was really nervous. So we packed up the bags and got in the car. On our way to the hospital, I was worried I was going to have the baby in the car! The contractions were pretty strong already. Luckily no babies were born quite yet ha ha! We made it to the hospital just fine. I was admitted after some tests, because my water had indeed broken. At first I felt like I could take all the pain, I stood in the shower, rocked on a birthing ball, all that good stuff. I would like to mention my labor nurse was so awesome! She helped me so much. I will never forget her! Julie! A God send! Anyway, I did it natural for 8 hours, and I just was drained, May I remind you it was 1 in the morning when this all started, and 9 months pregnant nobody gets good sleep! The nurse could tell I was losing steam. She suggested (in the most caring way possible) that I might think about an epidural. She explained that it wasn't a failure or a character of weakness to not be able to do it all by myself. (I was exhausted and to be completely honest I was immediately ready for one!) But we waited a little bit longer. 

Finally I gave in and said I wanted the epidural, so they started the procedure. It was so hard holding still through the contractions, just thinking about that big needle made me so nervous! Finally it was done and oh the relief!! I could finally doze! It was hard to rest though because someone would come in every 20 minutes or so and check everything and that damn blood pressure cuff, it drove me insane! Hours passed. They checked me and I stalled at 5cm for a couple hours so they decided to give me pitocin. I could still feel one spot in my groin where the contractions were, no matter how many times I pushed that button the pain did not go away! (I pushed that button a lot! Ha ha!) They checked me again an hour later and I was 8cm dilated, but I stalled there again, so they boosted my pitocin and cut back the epidural. The baby's heart rate was dropping with every contraction and they were beginning to worry. My eyes did not leave the monitor that showed the heart rate. They told me if there was no change in two hours they would have to do a c-section, and oh that scared the crap out of me! But I didn't need to worry because I made it! 10 cm! Then it was time to push! Now, I was still so numb, I couldn't tell if I was pushing or not, but it seemed like I was doing okay. The pain in my groin was on fire now! After about 45 minutes of pushing my baby was out! They held "her" up and all I saw under the umbilical cord were some testicles! Ha ha ha! I screamed in shock, it's a boy! Michael's face lit up like Christmas morning. I wish I would have gotten a picture of that. He was one proud daddy! He got to cut the cord and then they put him on my chest, and he looked at me, oh the magic. I'll never forget seeing him for the first time or holding him in my arms, and the way he smelled. I know it's kind of gross but it's something I will always remember.

I was in labor for a total of 20 hours. It was not a bad experience given it was everything I didn't want. The support of my nurses helped tremendously! (Michael was pretty nervous ha ha!) But I had a healthy baby and that is truly all that matters.



 You'll never meet a more proud grandmother!
Michael's mom was pretty over the moon about meeting her first grand baby!
Michael's grandma as well!

My mom holding Jordan (who was jaundice, I called him my little glow worm)