Be Mine!

Just some photos!

Life is good!

Well it's been a few months now so I suppose I should update!! 

My children are either napping or being calm at the moment so it seems like a good time...

Being a mom of two has been wonderful, frightening, overwhelming and mostly AMAZING!

I love them more than any words could ever describe. Unless you are a mom (or dad) yourself and know what I mean... When you look into those beautiful eyes, and they look back radiating love and trust. You would have to be a robot to not be effected by that! I've never been as tired as I am in my life, but somehow it doesn't (usually) bother me. I get swept up in our day to day lives, and by the time I know it they are asleep and I'm laying there in a semi-state of shock. Every day is a battle and an adventure and I feel so lucky that I get to stay home with them. Watching them grow and learn. I try very hard to stay in the moment and cherish everything they do, even when I'm about to lose my mind. I've learned so much from them. Patience being the main thing, and even though I lose that patience sometimes, I'm pretty proud of myself over all. I realize how much like my father I am that way.... See, my dad stayed home with me and my sister. So I realize I'm more like him every day, sometimes that really bothers me, but mostly it makes me appreciate my dad so much. I'm fighting back tears as I write this. He did a great job with us and I never gave him the credit he deserved back then. I've had a hard time with my father in the past, but all I feel towards him now is admiration; taking care of two little girls, when that's not a stereotypical "man thing". That is pretty big. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own just how much I love and appreciate my dad!

Speaking of, I found this picture yesterday, and if this picture doesn't just capture my dad completely then I don't know if one will! This is how I will always remember him. For sure.

Anyway, I will get back to my babies now.

Allorah is 9 months old now, I swear I just blinked and now she is almost a whole year old?! What?!
I'm already planning her party too, she is going to be a fairy princess! I might make another post with all my ideas. Just to keep them in one place... and maybe give someone else ideas too!

She has just been so delightful. The happiest little baby you can imagine. She pretty much only fusses when she is hungry or tired! Piece of cake this one!! She wakes up happy, ready to greet me with her sweet little smile. She just melts my heart. I've dreamed of her for so long, and she has lived up to every dream I've had since I was a little girl myself. She is so precious to me. I couldn't ask for better kids! (Let me try and remember this when they are both tugging at my pants and whining ha ha.) Seriously though, I know how blessed I am. I thank the Gods every day. I sometimes worry about what heartbreak lies ahead for me because I've been so blessed, I don't think it can last! All I want to do is be the best mom for these babies.

I had a dream the other night that we were all at the zoo and Jordan was trying to climb into the lion exhibit but instead the lion jumped out. I pushed him backward towards Michael, told them to run as the lion was lunging at us. I jumped so the lion would get me not them. As it clamped onto my leg I immediately started to gouge her eyes out. I don't remember much after that, but I think this is very powerful and symbolic. I woke up thinking I would do that for real in a heart beat. I will gouge out anyone or anything's eyes who would dare try to hurt my children. It gave me strength and courage. Sometimes I really doubt myself and my ability to be a good mom. It's all I've ever wanted, and I have really high expectations, so I'm pretty hard on myself.

I don't know how we got here, but I'm going to lighten it up again ha ha! And I wonder why Jordan is so mercurial! Ha ha! Speaking of, my sweet, brave little boy! He is 2 and half now. So full of energy, he sure wears me out!! His grandma calls him the energizer bunny. It's accurate enough. He can and does run circles around me. He has to start preschool soon!! I don't want him to because that means I have to face the fact that he is growing up! I want him to stay this little forever (and then again I don't!) He is so wonderful. I delight in him every day. The sun shines out of his sweet little face. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is so good with his sister, for a 2 year old, he has done amazingly well. He loves her, you can tell. He gets jealous of course, but he's honestly been great about being a big brother! I'm so very proud of him!

And here is my big boy! Looking so grown up now. It really breaks my heart a little. So bittersweet watching them grow...

Well that is pretty much all I have for now. I will try and post more...but I can't promise anything! I'm trying to raise babies and enjoy our life together! This is just here for me to document some of it!!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read about mine!

Oh... Just some stuff!

Yeah right to trying to update weekly! If I had no time before I sure have none now! As I began typing this Jordan woke up from his nap. I'm sure Allorah will be up soon.

Surprise! I'm a big brother!

Yes, I got my girl! Allorah Jane was born April 24th at 5:35am!

I was in labor for just over 3 hours... it was crazy! I had planned to do a water birth and go natural, do breathing techniques, yada yada yada.

Well I went natural all right...

I was awakened at 2 am to my water breaking, on my due date, April 24th, both my children were very prompt. I stayed home for about an hour, then just felt the need to go to the hospital.
Luckily the hospital is only 10 minutes away.

We pulled up to the emergency entrance, the pain was really intense now. I could barely walk to the labor and delivery section, but I felt so weird riding in the wheel chair. We got signed in and set up in the delivery room, they stuck me with the big IV needle, and then I got to soak in the jacuzzi for a minute, literally I was already feeling the need to push but I couldn't believe that!

 I got out of the tub, and said I wanted an epidural (it hurt soo bad!) so the nurse went to call the anesthesiologist. They had to check me first though. I was 8cm!

Then suddenly a second later, I had to push! I really did not expect it to go THAT fast! I was actually trying not to push at first. I honestly did so horribly, I kept saying things like "Help me!" And "No! I can't do this!" I also said at one point "I really feel like I need to poop, what if I poop!" Ha ha! To be completely honest I didn't want to push so I wouldn't poo on the table. My midwife assured me it would be fine, even if I did, but I was still trying not to push. Then the midwife looked me in my eye and told me, "She has to come out NOW!" So I gave in, pushed a couple times and she was born! It just went so quickly... There wasn't even time to attempt to get a birthing pool set up. Let alone wrap my head around the entire thing.

But in the end it was all sooo worth it! We got to hold our baby girl!

I hadn't really decided if I was going to name her Allorah, I had another name I liked as well; but as soon as I held her in my arms I knew it was her.

We got to stay in the Children's part of the hospital which was beautiful! It had lovely light and it was huge!
The staff and nurses were great as well. They left us alone almost the whole time, ha ha!
It was pretty awesome.

Mt sister Katy and my niece Emily came to visit us!

I felt pretty good after having her, no problems, not much soreness. She blended so smoothly into the family it was like she had always been there. I know her being here has healed a part of me that was a little hurt from the first time around. She has been such a good baby so far! She has even slept through the night the last 3 nights! She is already almost 4 months old, time has just flown by!

Jordan is 6 months old!

He's getting so big! I almost can't believe it's been 6 months since he was born already! Time sure does fly... They really do grow up way too fast! He's sitting up all by himself so well, he's trying so hard to crawl, he's a pro at rolling over! He's laughing and babbling, eating baby food, and just over all being a healthy happy baby. I love seeing his smile every morning. I know I'm doing something right when I see him smile like that. He really is a little angel. He's such a good little boy. So stinking active! He sure tires mommy out! Once he can crawl I'm really going to be in for it... haha!

Time flys!

It's already been 11 weeks since my little boy was born. Sometimes I still can't really believe I have a baby. I sit there feeding him at 5 in the morning, staring at his sweet little face wondering how I got so lucky. Then it hits me, I have a baby! I made this little person. It really is pretty amazing. I knew I would love him, but not the intensity I do in such a short amount of time. He is just the sweetest, mellowest little guy. He only cries when he's hungry or if you mess with him while he's eating, like if you take his bottle away to try and burp him or wipe his face, or for any reason, even if you arent paying good enough attention and aren't holding it the way he likes. He's very picky about his eating habits! I think I scarred him those first few weeks of his life trying to breastfeed him, he wanted nothing to do with the measly scraps I had to offer, oh he would scream his little head off! It was heartbreaking. I think this is why he's so intense about his food. I was starving the poor thing. Life has been pretty awesome as a new mommy, the lack of sleep is the worst part, and it's not even that bad. I'm so happy Jordan has blessed my life, there really is nothing like looking into your child's eyes. I love being a mom.

Surprise!!

On July 29th 2011 at 9:32 pm, my son Jordan Orlando was born.
We had been expecting a girl, so it was quite a shock! 

My water broke at 1am, it felt like someone had headbutted me from the inside! I got up to use the bathroom and when I stood, I felt this gush. When I went to the bathroom I saw I had lost my mucous plug (gross I know). I wasn't sure my water had broken though, so I went back to bed, but couldn't sleep because I was feeling contractions now. So I went on the site baby-gaga.com and looked up people who had their water break and lost their mucous plug at the same time. I found a few posts about it and by then I had to pee again and was feeling contractions pretty close together, I was getting nervous so I texted my sister who was thankfully awake! When I stood up to go to the bathroom yet again there was another gush, so now I was pretty sure my water had really broken. I decided then to wake Michael up, I said I thought I was in labor, but I wasn't sure, so I called Labor and Delivery and told them that I thought my water had broken and they asked me some questions and told me to come in. My contractions were like 5 minutes apart, I was really nervous. So we packed up the bags and got in the car. On our way to the hospital, I was worried I was going to have the baby in the car! The contractions were pretty strong already. Luckily no babies were born quite yet ha ha! We made it to the hospital just fine. I was admitted after some tests, because my water had indeed broken. At first I felt like I could take all the pain, I stood in the shower, rocked on a birthing ball, all that good stuff. I would like to mention my labor nurse was so awesome! She helped me so much. I will never forget her! Julie! A God send! Anyway, I did it natural for 8 hours, and I just was drained, May I remind you it was 1 in the morning when this all started, and 9 months pregnant nobody gets good sleep! The nurse could tell I was losing steam. She suggested (in the most caring way possible) that I might think about an epidural. She explained that it wasn't a failure or a character of weakness to not be able to do it all by myself. (I was exhausted and to be completely honest I was immediately ready for one!) But we waited a little bit longer. 

Finally I gave in and said I wanted the epidural, so they started the procedure. It was so hard holding still through the contractions, just thinking about that big needle made me so nervous! Finally it was done and oh the relief!! I could finally doze! It was hard to rest though because someone would come in every 20 minutes or so and check everything and that damn blood pressure cuff, it drove me insane! Hours passed. They checked me and I stalled at 5cm for a couple hours so they decided to give me pitocin. I could still feel one spot in my groin where the contractions were, no matter how many times I pushed that button the pain did not go away! (I pushed that button a lot! Ha ha!) They checked me again an hour later and I was 8cm dilated, but I stalled there again, so they boosted my pitocin and cut back the epidural. The baby's heart rate was dropping with every contraction and they were beginning to worry. My eyes did not leave the monitor that showed the heart rate. They told me if there was no change in two hours they would have to do a c-section, and oh that scared the crap out of me! But I didn't need to worry because I made it! 10 cm! Then it was time to push! Now, I was still so numb, I couldn't tell if I was pushing or not, but it seemed like I was doing okay. The pain in my groin was on fire now! After about 45 minutes of pushing my baby was out! They held "her" up and all I saw under the umbilical cord were some testicles! Ha ha ha! I screamed in shock, it's a boy! Michael's face lit up like Christmas morning. I wish I would have gotten a picture of that. He was one proud daddy! He got to cut the cord and then they put him on my chest, and he looked at me, oh the magic. I'll never forget seeing him for the first time or holding him in my arms, and the way he smelled. I know it's kind of gross but it's something I will always remember.

I was in labor for a total of 20 hours. It was not a bad experience given it was everything I didn't want. The support of my nurses helped tremendously! (Michael was pretty nervous ha ha!) But I had a healthy baby and that is truly all that matters.



 You'll never meet a more proud grandmother!
Michael's mom was pretty over the moon about meeting her first grand baby!
Michael's grandma as well!

My mom holding Jordan (who was jaundice, I called him my little glow worm)

Nursery!

Here are some photos of the nursery, I'm quite happy with how it turned out!!

I'm due tomorrow!

But absolutely nothing is going on!! I had some false labor last Saturday, technically early Sunday morning, I woke up at 2am and could barely walk, my back and hips had sooo much pressure and I felt cramp-like feelings every 10 minutes for the next 3 hours, but I got tired and fell asleep and in the morning they were gone. I'm not exactly in a rush to have the baby or anything, I just really don't want to be induced, I watched "The Business of Being Born" awhile ago and have dreaded having any sort of medical interference with my labor and delivery. I don't want Pitocin, I don't want an epidural, and I certainly do not want a c-section! I want to be able to move freely, and use a birthing tub. They say being induced causes the contractions to come on so strongly and so quickly that your body doesn't have enough time to produce the endorphins and hormones that help manage pain naturally so most women end up getting epidurals, where you are immobile, catheterized and on your back, which leads to no labor progress, which leads to more Pitocin and then that leads to fetal distress by the extreme contractions, which leads finally to a c-section. I really want to avoid all this!! So I've been reading up on natural ways to induce labor. The two most popular are walking and of course sex haha. So after my Doctor appointment tomorrow, hopefully we will see if there is any effacement or dialation and if there isn't I'm going to be trying to get this thing going!!

So tired, but... survey time!

I had dinner tonight with a friend from middle/high school. I hadn't seen her for quite some time.... it was nice though. I'm so tired though, I went shopping with my mom today too, I bought a nightgown for the labor and birth, and some stuff for my boyfriend's birthday which is next Sunday! I'm going to spoil him this year, because he's been so amazing and working so hard in school, and he deserves it, and I can finally afford to. I want to make it one of his best birthdays ever! It's his last one before we focus on the baby's birthdays instead of our own haha.

This is random but I wanted to fill this out before I went to bed, it's a pregnancy survey, whoo fun.

About Mommy
Name: Nancy
Age: 25
Pre-pregnancy weight: Ehhh...
Current weight: I've gained 20 lbs, let's leave at that :)
How far along are you: 34 weeks (8 months)
Is this your first pregnancy: Yes it is
If not, how long ago was your last: ----
Do you have any other children; names and ages: ----
How many children do you want to have: Three would be nice
Do you like being pregnant: I do!
Have you had any morning sickness: Nope, none
Have you had any mood swings: Not really no, I've been less emotional actually
Have you had a stronger sense of smell: Oh yes! I can smell garlic a mile away... literally
Have you had any swelling in your hands or feet: Nope no swelling!
Have you had any aches or pains: My hips ache a bit, and I've had round ligament pain but that's it!
What do you miss about not being pregnant: Not much... I've quite enjoyed myself, felt better than ever.
What makes up for that: Nothing will compare...
Will you take maternity leave: Yes
Favorite maternity outfit: I love all my maternity outfits haha
Favorite past-time while being pregnant: Baby shopping!
Have you bought any baby things: Yes :>
Are you more excited or nervous: Excited for sure.

About Daddy
Name: Michael
Age: 25 (26 in a week!)
Is he working: Yes
Relationship with you: He's my lover and best friend
How long have you known him: 8 years
Does he have any other children, names and ages: No
How many children does he want to have: I'm not sure, just one for now though haha :)
What is his favorite past-time: Listening to music, and he's gotten into art recently
Has he bought anything for baby: No, he leaves that to me and his mom haha
Will he take time off of work to help you: I'm not sure, maybe a little bit?
What are his strengths as a dad: He's soo smart, he's good with kids, and he's really caring and thoughtful, and fun :)
Is he excited: I think so... I think a bit more nervous though

Pregnancy So Far
When did you find out you were pregnant: January 18th
How did you find out: I had missed more than a couple periods... so my sister bought me a test and well...
Who was with you when you found out: Katy and her friend Tara
What was your reaction: I was pretty shocked and scared...
How did the daddy react: Well I had kind of warned him by saying I hadn't had my period, so he wasn't too surprised, just worried about how we'd handle it.
How did your parents react: They were really excited, pleasantly surprised.
How did his parents react: They were REALLY excited lol
Were you trying to conceive: No
Did you consider an abortion: No
Who is your doctor: Doesn't matter... she's only seeing me for prenatal appointments
How far along were you at your first appointment: 13 weeks
Have you heard the baby's heart beat: Yes :)
Have you had any ultrasounds: Four
Have you had a 3D/4D ultrasound: No :(
Have you had any complications: None
Are you high risk: No
Are you having a boy or a girl: A girl!
Have you picked out any names yet: Yes
If so, what are they: We are naming her Allorah Jane
Any food cravings: Not really, lemonade and mustard lol
Craziest thing you have eaten: Nothing too crazy... I've been on a pretty healthy diet
Do you have any pregnant friends: Not anymore, my friend had her baby in April
Do you frequent any baby forums: Baby-gaga.com!
Have you felt any movement: Tons!! She is a wiggly little worm
Has dad felt any movement: Yep
Do you or dad talk to baby: Sometimes, it feels awkward, my mom talks to her though haha
When did you first start showing: About 61/2 months
Do you have any stretch marks: Yeah :/
How have you been sleeping: Not too bad, sometimes I wake up at 5 or 6am and can't get back to sleep for awhile though.
Have you had any really strange dreams: Yes they've all been so vivid and weird.
Have you gotten any braxton-hicks contractions: I'm not sure...
Has dad had to make any midnight snack runs: No haha
Have you made baby shower plans: My boyfriend's mom has planned it all, it's next Saturday!
Have you registered anywhere: Babies R Us, Target, and Amazon
What was the first thing bought for baby: Clothes haha
Are you going to take any birthing classes: Already did
Have you read any pregnancy or baby books: Yes I've got a pile by my bed
When is your next doctors appointment: June 29th

Birth Plans
At home or hospital: Hospital
Vaginal or C-section: Hopefully vaginal, I don't want surgery!!
Natural or medicated: Going for natural
Will you be induced: I sure hope not.
Who will be in the delivery room with you: Michael
Are you going to have a doula: No
What are a few things you will make sure to have with you: A picture of my cat lol, a pillow, maybe a little wooden back massager
Are you going to take pictures or video: Yes
Will dad cut the cord: Yes
If you are having a boy, will you circumsize: ----
Will any relatives come into town: I don't know, my grandpa might.
Are you scared: Not really, I just don't want unnecessary medical stuff done to me...

Baby's Arrival
Do you have a coming home outfit: Yes
Will you come home as soon as you can: Yes
What is the best thing about being at the hospital: Knowing they can handle an emergency
What is the worst thing about being at the hospital: They always try to do unnecessary things, and contain you to the bed.
What is the best thing about coming home: Being home...
What is the nursery theme: Pink and green, with animal prints.
Will you breastfeed or use formula: Breastfeed!
Will you co-sleep: No
Cloth diapers or regular: Regular
What can't you wait for the most: Just to see her, and hold her for the first time.

Dream

So I just woke up from my first dream about the baby, it started out I was in the hospital, I had her, and I tried to breastfeed right away. I kept having an awkward time holding her and trying to get her into the "tummy to tummy" position, and I also felt like there wasn't any milk coming out, but she was smiling for some reason. I then took her home and was still having trouble breastfeeding. I was just feeling like she must be starving!! She would only feed for a minute and I was so worried because I wasn't feeling this let down thing they talked about in my childbirth class. But she wasn't crying or upset at all. Then I kept swaddling her in really cute blankets and leaving her random places, like propped up on the very corner edge of the couch, on the floor, or on the bed surrounded by tons of pillows with my cat sniffing at her, and then going off and forgetting. Then she also kept turning into a doll when I would remember I had a baby, and go back to get her. It was frustrating me because I was crying and yelling "Wheres my REAL baby??" I kept thinking she was still at the hospital or something, I was going crazy, or being punished for leaving her like that. I also remember feeling like I hadn't even given birth, and forgot all about the delivery and labor part, although I know I had dreamed about it.

I was wondering when I was going to have one of these strange pregnancy dreams everyone was talking about... I guess dreams like that are common in pregnancy haha. It was very weird! I'm surprised I hadn't up until now. Maybe it was because I fell asleep reading the "You're Labor & Birth" book haha.

Update!

This is a digital scrapbook page I designed for my daughter :)

I should probably update on what's been going on, since I haven't in a very long time! I am now 34 weeks (Today) Only 6 more weeks left, that's just 42 days! (Give or take a few, of course) I had been feeling excellent up until this last week, it's kicking my butt! I've been tired and she's "dropped" so I'm feeling a lot more pressure on my hips and pelvis, which is not fun, I think it was all the walking I did on Sunday, I went to the City Fair (Rose Festival) in downtown Portland. It was fun though, and I was glad I wasn't the only preggo waddling around haha. It sure seems a lot bigger in my memory when I went as a little kid though... I can't wait to take Allorah! Anway, she is doing fine, kicking and rolling around like crazy. It's so strange but also so amazing that there's a little human swimming around inside me! A little mini me! Ha ha.

Today I Photoshopped a picture of Michael and I's baby pictures together, just to see what came about. I tried those photo morphing things online but they were just too weird and highly inaccurate. So here is what I came up with haha don't laugh, or do if you want! Ha ha!

I just have a feeling she's going to look more like Michael, especially from this last ultrasound, she has his forehead! I can't wait to see her little face in person :)

Baby Diary Jan 24th - 26th 2011

On the 24th I had my first ultrasound, Michael (the baby's father) came with me. It was really something seeing that little person wiggle around on the screen, we were both pretty surprised at how far along I was, how developed the baby was already. It got very real right then. We were both smiling, it was really cute, we saw it's little heart just beating away. I still can't believe there's a little person growing inside me right now. On the 26th I had my first OBGYN appointment, I got to actually hear the heartbeat then on her little doppler device, it was so sweet! The doctor wanted me to take the hour glucose test that day because I am overweight and had had hypothyroid issues in the past. I'm still waiting for the results! I'm just hoping it comes out normal! I would hate having to go to the doctor everyday to get my blood checked. Oh the worries are going to come by the millions now...

Baby Diary Jan 18th 2011 - Jan 20th 2011

I found out on the 18th of January that I was 13 weeks pregnant! I must have been in denial, becuase the only symptom seemed to be a missing period, after my sister had had hers for the third time, I was like okay something is up here! It is not uncommon for me to skip a period or two, but three was definitely not normal. So she goes out to buy me a test, the dear heart that she is, and I take it, it's a very "plus" plus sign, showed up instantly. I was in shock.... I called the doctor the next day to get a blood test, they told me to come in that day, and again the results were very positive! The nurse that called to tell me even said I was "very pregnant" haha. So the next day I had to come in to get even more blood drawn, so I picked up my prenatal vitamins while I was there and started taking them that day! Needless to say I was still in shock at this point.