Life is good!

Well it's been a few months now so I suppose I should update!! 

My children are either napping or being calm at the moment so it seems like a good time...

Being a mom of two has been wonderful, frightening, overwhelming and mostly AMAZING!

I love them more than any words could ever describe. Unless you are a mom (or dad) yourself and know what I mean... When you look into those beautiful eyes, and they look back radiating love and trust. You would have to be a robot to not be effected by that! I've never been as tired as I am in my life, but somehow it doesn't (usually) bother me. I get swept up in our day to day lives, and by the time I know it they are asleep and I'm laying there in a semi-state of shock. Every day is a battle and an adventure and I feel so lucky that I get to stay home with them. Watching them grow and learn. I try very hard to stay in the moment and cherish everything they do, even when I'm about to lose my mind. I've learned so much from them. Patience being the main thing, and even though I lose that patience sometimes, I'm pretty proud of myself over all. I realize how much like my father I am that way.... See, my dad stayed home with me and my sister. So I realize I'm more like him every day, sometimes that really bothers me, but mostly it makes me appreciate my dad so much. I'm fighting back tears as I write this. He did a great job with us and I never gave him the credit he deserved back then. I've had a hard time with my father in the past, but all I feel towards him now is admiration; taking care of two little girls, when that's not a stereotypical "man thing". That is pretty big. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own just how much I love and appreciate my dad!

Speaking of, I found this picture yesterday, and if this picture doesn't just capture my dad completely then I don't know if one will! This is how I will always remember him. For sure.

Anyway, I will get back to my babies now.

Allorah is 9 months old now, I swear I just blinked and now she is almost a whole year old?! What?!
I'm already planning her party too, she is going to be a fairy princess! I might make another post with all my ideas. Just to keep them in one place... and maybe give someone else ideas too!

She has just been so delightful. The happiest little baby you can imagine. She pretty much only fusses when she is hungry or tired! Piece of cake this one!! She wakes up happy, ready to greet me with her sweet little smile. She just melts my heart. I've dreamed of her for so long, and she has lived up to every dream I've had since I was a little girl myself. She is so precious to me. I couldn't ask for better kids! (Let me try and remember this when they are both tugging at my pants and whining ha ha.) Seriously though, I know how blessed I am. I thank the Gods every day. I sometimes worry about what heartbreak lies ahead for me because I've been so blessed, I don't think it can last! All I want to do is be the best mom for these babies.

I had a dream the other night that we were all at the zoo and Jordan was trying to climb into the lion exhibit but instead the lion jumped out. I pushed him backward towards Michael, told them to run as the lion was lunging at us. I jumped so the lion would get me not them. As it clamped onto my leg I immediately started to gouge her eyes out. I don't remember much after that, but I think this is very powerful and symbolic. I woke up thinking I would do that for real in a heart beat. I will gouge out anyone or anything's eyes who would dare try to hurt my children. It gave me strength and courage. Sometimes I really doubt myself and my ability to be a good mom. It's all I've ever wanted, and I have really high expectations, so I'm pretty hard on myself.

I don't know how we got here, but I'm going to lighten it up again ha ha! And I wonder why Jordan is so mercurial! Ha ha! Speaking of, my sweet, brave little boy! He is 2 and half now. So full of energy, he sure wears me out!! His grandma calls him the energizer bunny. It's accurate enough. He can and does run circles around me. He has to start preschool soon!! I don't want him to because that means I have to face the fact that he is growing up! I want him to stay this little forever (and then again I don't!) He is so wonderful. I delight in him every day. The sun shines out of his sweet little face. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is so good with his sister, for a 2 year old, he has done amazingly well. He loves her, you can tell. He gets jealous of course, but he's honestly been great about being a big brother! I'm so very proud of him!

And here is my big boy! Looking so grown up now. It really breaks my heart a little. So bittersweet watching them grow...

Well that is pretty much all I have for now. I will try and post more...but I can't promise anything! I'm trying to raise babies and enjoy our life together! This is just here for me to document some of it!!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to read about mine!